This guy was in a bar talking to his hand. The bartender came to him and said, "I don’t want weirdos in my bar. I might ask you to leave."

The guy said, "I'm using my cell phone. I got tired of carrying it so I had it embedded into my hand." The bartender did not believe him, so the guy had the bartender dial a number and then talked into his hand.

The bartender said, "How cool!"

As the evening went on the bar got more crowded. The bartender looked up and noticed the guy was gone but his drink and cigarettes were still there. The bartender got worried and went looking for him. The bartender went into the bathroom and saw the guy on the floor with his pants down to his knees and a roll of toilet paper up his butt. The bartender asked, "Are you OK? Who did this to you?"

The guy replied, "I'm OK. I’m just waiting for a fax!"